Rock and rant

A look at who should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

by John O'Neill

The great thing about the holidays is that, due to time constraints, you get to write about things that under normal circumstances would appear quite lazy. Late December marks the official season for the endless lists of "best ofs," New Year's resolutions, top 10s, passing out grades to various athletes, leaving lumps of coal for politicians, and other assorted year-end nonsense. And we're no different, except that yours truly has always appreciated the chance to rant and rave, which brings us to a very special list concerning the practices of the so-called Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Perhaps you've heard of it. It started as a swell idea to honor those who've made contributions to a very important art form. What it's become is another story. (For the record, we attempted to contact members of the voting board, but were told by their caretaker that the old fellas generally don't care to be disturbed from their ancient slumber. In fact, our source told us, they're re-animated only for voting purposes and Jan Wenner's "kick-ass birthday bash.")

You need look no further than the list of 1999's inductees for proof that there ain't much rock and roll in the House That Richard Built. Billy Joel. No Kidding. The Evil-Anti-Rocker-Incarnate has buffaloed everyone into thinking he's rock and roll! Maybe it was his holding that rock ever-so-threateningly on the cover of Glass Houses, or perhaps the Ray Bans and motorcycle leather proved to be the best $300 investment a tepid, lowercase Ira Gershwin could make. Whatever the case, Joel has about as much right to be named in the same breath as Elvis, Buddy, and Jerry Lee as Bobby Vinton, never mind sharing the same roof. And how about Paul McCartney going in as a solo talent? The only thing remotely positive we can say about his post-Beatle work is that it has been consistently embarrassing. Who next, Glenn Frey?

We went to our local panel of music experts (many of whom also see red when the HoF comes up in conversation) to get their insight into who really belongs in the Hallowed Halls of Rockadamia. While these are opinions, they're also pretty much on the mark.

Steve Aquino, Lyres

"The hall is basically this self-serving, pat-on-the-back society. All these [people] on the panel are high-ranking record execs; and they go by looking at units sold, which is bullshit.

"Mickey Baker you'd have to have in. He's graced so many records and he's such an influence, like a behind-the-scenes Chuck Berry. He crossed lots of strange lines to do session work that other black musicians wouldn't have. Peter Green is heavily copied. Link Wray. And Roky Erickson should be in cause nobody sounded like him before or since. Doug Sahm will continually get picked over."

Walter Crockett, of Walter and Valerie Crockett

"The [Hall of Fame] appears to be marketing. I don't consider anything Paul McCartney has done post-Beatles worthy of induction by any stretch of the imagination. I'd take some of those mid-'60s bands. The Beau Brummels, the Zombies, even Barry and the Remains to a lesser extent. For the more country stuff, the Flying Burrito Brothers and ZZ Top, frankly, should be in. I think Joe Jackson and Elvis Costello, but it might be too early for them. Do you have to stop functioning to get in?"

Bill Nelson, The Deal

"I think Cheap Trick should be in. They're soldiers and they're worthy of it. They're finally getting the respect they deserve, and they'll eventually make it in."

Jason James, Bay State Houserockers

"Ritchie Valens. I thought that punk went through his sound. I like his guitar work. Scotty Moore is a big part of Elvis's music. When I listen to Elvis, I'm listening to that guitar working the back. Link Wray, he's the godfather of the power chord."

Rich Lorion, Pathetics

"The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is like the Football Hall of Fame. Nobody gives a shit. It's a popularity vote."

Brian Holbrook, 7 Hill Psychos

"Right off the top I'd say Alice Cooper should be inducted, he's put his time in. Black Sabbath would get my vote too. They've stood the test of time and a lot of bands were influenced by them."

John Plet, Magnificent Ambersons

"I wish it wasn't a 25-year wait to be included, but I am going there this year.

The Ramones should be in because they created a whole genre that wasn't there. I'd like to see the Troggs, and I'd vote for Joe Jackson and Elvis Costello. They're both angry young men . . . or were!"

Erick Godin, Chillum and Paco

"The Hall doesn't seem to have anything for the youth to grab on to. It's too bad some of the younger bands can't get in."

Jay Holdash, Das Fearless Leaders

"Lonnie Mack. His first album was so astounding. His influences ranged from blues to soul to rock to doo-wop, and he could sing like no one knew. Jeff Beck, Eric Clapton, right up to Keith Richards were influenced by him, and the MC5 were obviously listening. Roy Buchanan, his early sixties and late fifties stuff is incredible. They're both 10 years ahead of their time."

Captain P.J. (WCUW deejay, but more because it wouldn't count without him)

"Barry and the Remains for what they did in the short time they were around, also the Pretty Things, England's real bad boys of rock. Also Roky Erickson, Sky Saxon, and put me down for ? and the Mysterians, too.

Artie Sneiderman, Crybabies

"The whole concept sucks. I never dug it. Why try to legitimize it all? There are megastars and people who are scraping, and very little in between. [The Hall] reinforces that like the Grammys.

Link Wray is an originator. Arthur Alexander, he was one of the first stars of Muscle Shoals. Chuck Willis, Louie Prima, Jesse Stone, the Sonics, Charlie Feathers, definitely ? and the Mysterians. It's a conflict 'cause everyone who's done something cool should be in. To be in my Hall of Fame is if [the artist] was a gas."